Everything You Need to Know About Comparison Traps

In today’s fast-paced, social-media-driven world, it’s easy to fall into the habit of measuring our lives against what we see around us. Whether it’s someone else’s career success, relationships, or even their (apparent) level of happiness, these comparisons often leave us feeling inadequate and frustrated.

But what if we could break free from this cycle?

In this blog, we’ll explore the psychology behind comparison, how it affects our mental health, and practical steps to avoid falling into this “trap”. It’s time to focus on your journey, and let go of the endless need to measure up to someone else’s! To do this, we start by addressing some of the Big W’s (who, what, when, where and why) of comparison trap theory.

WHAT Is a “Comparison Trap”?

In many respects, a comparison trap is exactly what it sounds like: a term used to describe someone who has fallen into the “trap” of making generally unhelpful comparisons between themselves and other people. It often involves a mindset of (critical) self-evaluation and a practice of “measuring” oneself against certain standards or ideals, usually “embodied” by other individuals or societal expectations.

WHERE Does the Term “Comparison Trap” Come From?

Taking a quick side-bar into the psychology history books, it’s worth acknowledging that the social phenomenon of comparison traps (something that really kicked into high-gear over the last decade or so) was actually first recognized over seventy years ago! Social psychologist Leon Festinger proposed “social comparison theory” in 1954 and was among the first to highlight the (natural) role of comparison in determining things like self-worth and one’s place in society.

At this point, it’s important to remember that humans are inherently social creatures with an innate wiring for community and connection. In many respects, this is a very valuable trait (shared with several other intelligent species, such as dolphins/whales, elephants, and wolves) and has largely contributed to centuries of “surviving and thriving” in the animal kingdom. It also means that how we perceive and evaluate ourselves (as individuals) will almost always depend – to a certain extent – on how we “see ourselves” fitting in with the larger societal context.

WHO Do We Tend to Compare Ourselves To?

The “other” entity, in the comparison equation, often involves a specific person or group of individuals (perhaps people we encounter in our day-to-day lives or folks we stumble across while scrolling social media) but can also represent something more intangible, such as generally-accepted societal norms or generational trends (e.g. “the average 30-year-old has moved out of their parents’ home and is living independently by their third decade of life, so why am I ‘failing’ in this respect?”).

Beyond this, the research would offer up two other factors that can serve as key determinants for social comparison: (1) proximity, and (2) shared interests/values.

Proximity speaks to level of closeness, or social connection, and is perhaps fairly obvious in this context. Generally speaking, the people we spend the most amount of time with (e.g. family members, close friends) and engage with on a regular basis (e.g. co-workers, “Top Friends” on social media) are more likely to trigger social comparisons than folks we barely know or those who feel “far away” from our everyday lives (e.g. strangers living in other countries, major celebrities).

Shared interests and values are probably self-explanatory as well – as we are more likely to compare ourselves to those who have similar or overlapping life goals to our own. For instance, it’s a lot easier to be “purely” happy for your friend who has just signed a record deal if fame, notoriety and wealth are none of your key values and you have no personal interest in singing or performing arts. On the other hand, if these are values and interests that you and your friend share quite closely, the environment could be ripe for comparison traps.

WHY Are Comparison Traps Such an Issue Right Now?

There could be lots of reasons why comparison traps are thriving in 2025, but many of these can likely be traced back to larger societal and generational effects. Let’s be honest, some of the biggest trends and defining social features of the last 5-10 years have provided fertile breeding grounds for unhealthy comparisons. These include (but are not limited to):

The rise of social media (and fusion with phones/personal devices) – never before have we been so inundated with the minute details (and glamorized “filtered” versions) of everyone’s day-to-day life – all of which is highly accessible with just the touch of a button/swipe of a screen that is likely in your hand for untold hours of the day.
Economic instability (e.g. rising cost of living, housing crisis, etc.) – this kind of economy creates a “scarcity” culture where there are only so many resources (e.g. jobs, houses, dollars) to go around. This makes us painfully aware of what others have, as it could mean “less” for us!
Social polarization and “siloing” – the evolution of technology (specifically tailored algorithms) has made it more likely for us to find ourselves in echo chambers with those who already share our existing values and opinions, and can “demonize” those who exist outside of these worldviews. Bottom line: any system that fosters an “us” vs. “them” mentality is likely to lead to comparison issues.
Achievement-oriented (“rat-race”) culture – it’s not uncommon for first-world/Westernized cultures to be largely focused on external validation and observable achievements (things that are often awarded and witnessed by others) rather than fostering a sense of inner peace and well-being.

WHEN Are Comparison Traps a Problem?

As previously mentioned, the tendency to compare ourselves to others is a natural part of being human and can sometimes be adaptive – but we also want to stay aware of the common pitfalls (or “traps”, if you will) that can get us into trouble!

Returning to Leon Festinger, he described two “types” of comparison that humans tend to engage in:

Upward Comparison: comparing ourselves to someone we perceive as superior (defined here as: “better off” than us, in some way)
Downward Comparison: comparing ourselves to someone we perceive as inferior (defined here as: “worse off” than us, in some way)

Both of these comparison types can be “adaptive” (helpful) and “toxic” (unhelpful) in their own ways, as illustrated by the matrix below.

To summarize and highlight what’s really “at stake” with comparison traps (particularly, when they veer into “problematic” territory), we’re talking about damaging and disrupted relationships – with the self and with others.

At their worst and most extreme, comparison traps warp our relationship with ourselves by draining our sense of motivation, hope, and self-worth (or, conversely, inflating these things to the point of narcissism and feeling superior to everyone else). Likewise, constantly feeling “less than/better than” those around you will eventually take its toll on those relationships and may contribute to a sense of social isolation. Isolation

So, WHAT We Can Do About It?

The Myth of Comparative Suffering

A lot of the literature around “countering comparison traps” tends to focus on the practice of gratitude which is logical in many respects. After all, if the “problem” involves a hyper-focus on what others have, it would make sense that the antidote would involve (re)focusing on what is already working or going well in your own life. But there is an argument to be made that gratitude alone is not enough.

Most people have encountered (or used) phrases such as “how can you complain about this when there are children starving in Africa?” or “at least you have your health/food to eat!” and have probably found these statements to be less than comforting. This is usually because (a) it can feel “icky” to use starving children as a way to make ourselves feel better about our own lives, and (b) it often completely invalidates whatever we happen to be going through, which is valid in its own right!

More specifically, it perpetuates a concept called “comparative suffering” wherein there is only a certain amount of struggle and pain to go around; like limited pieces of a finite pie. When stuck in this mindset, people often feel like they have a total monopoly on suffering (e.g. “no one could possibly understand how bad this feels”) OR that they don’t deserve to feel bad at all (e.g. “I shouldn’t be upset about this when other people have it worse”) – both of which are faulty arguments.

The bottom line is that everyone is entitled to their own pain… but it’s also good to view this pain in the context of your broader life and the world in general. Or, to phrase it another way (using the infinite words and wisdom of the fabulous Brene Brown): “I’m a firm believer that complaining is okay, as long as we piss and moan with a little perspective.”

To that end, we would encourage folks who find themselves “stuck” in comparison traps to use the dual strategies of (1) gratitude and (2) validation [of self and others], as illustrated by the graphic below.

Other Practical Tips

Beyond a general mindset of gratitude and validation, there are some other (practical) things one can do to free themselves of comparison traps.

For example:

Set Boundaries/Limit Exposure to Painful Stimuli
- This could be anything from limiting your social media use as a whole (hours per day) to “unfollowing” that acquaintance who is constantly traveling to glamorous locales (particularly if you haven’t had a vacation in 2+ years) – whatever helps reduce the likelihood of engaging in unhelpful comparisons!
“Look Up” for Inspiration & Problem Solving
- Consider which “upward comparisons” may be helpful sources of inspiration and motivation for moving yourself closer to the life you want to be living and whether there are any concrete steps you can be taking to make this happen (e.g. is there a leadership course or extra certificate that makes you more likely to receive a promotion, like the one your colleague just received?)
Practice Radical Acceptance and Self-Compassion for Things That Are Out of Your Control
- Recognize and validate (for yourself) those aspects of life that have not come to pass, but not from any lack of personal effort or trying on your part (e.g. a couple struggling with infertility who is constantly bearing witness to the births of family and friends).
If You Must Compare… Compare to Yourself!
- Life is long, and the journey is often twisting. If you’re going to compare yourself to anyone (and let’s face it, you will) try comparing your current self to a previous/older version. Can you use this as an opportunity to celebrate milestones of personal growth or “battle scars” earned?
Strive for “Upward Joy” (As Opposed to “Upward Envy”)
- This one can be tricky to achieve (is sort of a “next level” approach) and can be thought of as an “outward” application of gratitude. Basically, can you get in touch with genuine feelings of joy and satisfaction for the people you are comparing yourself to, simply because you love/care for them and they deserve happiness and good fortune too? Put another way: just because you haven’t got that special thing (yet!) doesn’t mean they don’t deserve it as well.

In Summary:

Comparison traps are a normal part of the human experience and help us recognize where/how we exist in relation to our fellow humans and society as a whole.
We’re more likely to compare ourselves to folks who are (literally) close to us, and who share similar values and life goals.
Comparison traps have flourished over the last couple decades, in part due to: the rise of social media, economic instability (“scarcity” culture), and a societal focus on external achievements.
Comparisons are helpful when they provide a sense of motivation and hope for the future, healthy sources of self-esteem, or put us in connection with gratitude and empathy for others.
Comparisons are unhelpful when they deplete our sense of hope and self-worth or foster a sense of superiority and judgment over others.
When working to combat comparison traps, it’s important to practice validation (of yourself and others’ experiences) in conjunction with gratitude for what is currently going well.

DISCLAIMER: All content produced by Northern Therapy Collective is intended for general knowledge and entertainment purposes only. This information does not constitute official clinical advice, and should not be considered a substitute for formal treatment.