The Down-Low on Dating Apps: Looking for Love in 2025

In today’s digital age, dating apps have become a popular way to meet new people but they can also take a toll on our mental health. The pressure to present ourselves in the best light, the constant swiping, and the emotional ups and downs of online interactions can leave us feeling drained or discouraged. Whether you’re new to dating apps or a seasoned user, it’s essential to take steps to protect your mental well-being while navigating the world of online dating. In this post, we’ll explore practical tips for managing your mental health while using dating apps, so you can have a more positive and balanced experience.

Let’s start by reviewing some of the possible mental health challenges that can stem from the apps:

(1) Low Mood (feelings of rejection & blows to self-esteem)

The nature of dating apps is inherently vulnerable! You are putting yourself out there to be evaluated by potential partners and the cut-and-dry (“yes/no”) mechanics of swiping leaves little room for nuance or gentle explanations. While some will appreciate the efficiency of such a system, it can be quite an adjustment for others.
Furthermore, if you are approaching the apps with any negative/unhelpful beliefs about yourself or others, for using or “needing” the apps in the first place, or are prone to personalizing any part of the process (from initial swiping “rejections” to length of time invested), this can eventually take its toll on self-esteem and mood in general.

(2) Anxiety (paradox/paralysis of choice)

If we consider that – depending on where they lived – our grandparents may have met 10 new eligible people in an entire year, it’s kind of crazy to think that someone using the apps in 2025 is potentially swiping on or chatting with that amount of people (sometimes several times over!) in a single day.
This reality can contribute to something called “paradox or paralysis of choice” where people become overwhelmed by the abundance of options and get stuck in the decision-making process, often feeling like they can’t proceed until the answer (i.e. “right choice”) becomes clear.
A related phenomenon is the “maximizer” or “amplifier” mindset that comes about when we get the sense that all options are possible. In situations like these (where the choices feel endless), people may find it difficult to meaningfully invest in any one person when it feels like there is always an opportunity to improve their situation or find something “better”.

(3) Burnout (prolonged emotional investment & practical scheduling challenges)

If you’ve done any research or reading about the apps, many sources will confirm: depending on how you approach it (e.g. how many apps you use, how wide a “net” you throw with geographical and demographic restrictions, how often you check notifications), engaging with the apps can feel like a full-time job!
Emotionally investing in multiple people – even if just on a “chat” or text level – and navigating the logistical challenges of scheduling/going out on dates, can certainly take its toll on your mental, emotional and physical resources!

But it’s not all doom and gloom…

Let’s also consider some of the opportunities or advantages of dating apps!

(1) A practical solution to objective challenges

Whether your personality is naturally introverted or you have specific lifestyle challenges (e.g. work fully from home, recently moved, complicated/busy schedule) that make it difficult to meet new people, the apps are a potential solution to this problem.
It’s also hard to deny the practical convenience of being able to connect with others 24/7, from the convenience of your home, when just a few decades ago this would have required a lot more effort and physical energy.
The ability to efficiently “vet” and determine (from a safe distance) those who could be a meaningful connection vs. those that are (let’s face it) never going to be “your people” is another attractive feature of the apps. This is especially true for women – for whom dating can come with some physical danger/risk – but honestly applies to everyone. Nobody wants to waste their valuable time/money/effort on someone who may disrespect them or, at the end of the day, just holds wildly different values or goals from their own.

(2) A convenient gathering place for shared values/goals (to a certain extent)

Acknowledging, right off the bat, that people use dating apps for all sorts of reasons, we can generally agree that the overall goal of most users is to make a social connection that is romantic in nature (as opposed to some other social goal like finding a house-sitter or locating a fifth member for their garage band).
This “fact” (of having a shared value around finding a relationship) can often soothe the perceived risk of rejection that is inherently a part of the dating process, as folks can re-assure themselves that most people in that setting will be in search of (some version) of the same thing.
Put simply, while many people have fantasies of meeting their partner “in the wild” (i.e. naturally), there is something to be said for cutting to the chase and eliminating the anxiety that comes with taking a shot at someone in a public setting where you don’t even know if they’re (a) single/available, (b) share your sexual orientation or (c) open to a romantic relationship at all.

(3) Opportunity for growth (personally and socially)

While many people are fully content with their life and social circle as it is, there are countless others who have personal goals of either (1) pushing themselves outside their social comfort zone or (2) simply meeting more/new people, and again – the apps are an efficient way to do this.
It’s also worth noting, that while the connection between apps and self-esteem is often depicted as a cautious/negative one, for many people it can work in the opposite direction. The apps have the potential to provide powerful “disconfirming” evidence and experiences that can not only contradict or counter negative beliefs but perhaps even foster or grow healthier ones.

NOW, FOR SOME GUIDELINES

If you are considering heading onto the apps (or already find yourself in trenches!), here is some quick and fast advice for how to navigate and protect your mental health as you go.

(1) Be aware of any unhelpful thoughts & beliefs you may be holding (about yourself, others, or the apps in general) that could be working against you.

Do you feel a sense of failure or shame for using the apps? Do you hold the belief that there’s “nobody out there worth finding” (also known as “everyone good has already been chosen”)? Do you struggle with the idea or “story” of having found a partner online (e.g. “it’s not how it should be/not how it’s supposed to happen”)? Do you doubt yourself or your abilities to engage with others in that setting? (e.g. “I can’t do it – not smart enough/pretty enough/witty enough”)?
These are some of the most common thoughts and beliefs that we hear (as therapists) from people who are intrigued by or wanting to explore the apps, but don’t feel like they can.
All of these are open to and worth reframing/re-interpreting, either with a therapist or perhaps even a trusted friend, to set yourself up for success before entering the world of the apps

(2) Set realistic expectations and goals for yourself and others.

First of all, nobody’s perfect so we want to watch out for that “maximizer” mindset that tells you to keep leveling up and chasing something better. While it’s probably true on a theoretical level that something “better” exists, the Catch-22 of that sentiment is that it will always be true, and thus you will always be chasing (i.e. never “settled” and content). There is value is recognizing a good (if not perfect) match and putting the work into building something together – assuming that’s what you are both looking for.
Avoid locking yourself into any unhelpful expectations around: time frame for “success”, number of matches/dates per week, compatibility factors/scores, or other people’s behavior!

(3) Try to focus more on process and values rather than specific outcomes.

If you engage in the apps with the end-goal of getting married or “finding the one”, be aware of how those goals (fair and valid as they may be) can carry with them a greater sense of pressure that hinders more than it helps. It also places greater emphasis on a final destination or outcome that you may or may not reach, mostly because it’s not fully in your control.
Conversely, if you set yourself more readily achievable, process-based goals (e.g. meeting 3 new people this summer), and connecting with values that you can live out regardless of specific outcomes (e.g. planning a fun/active date at that outdoor place you’ve always wanted to try), you have a better chance of experiencing success, feeling less pressure, and perhaps feeling more motivated to continue along your dating journey.

(4) Realistic expectations are great, but an open-mind is even better!

An experimental (“let’s just see”) mindset, that is largely untethered from any specific assumptions or ideas, will serve you well – especially as you connect with people, early on!
Remember that even if the majority of interactions are not “effective” (in the sense of resulting in “the one”) they can still play a productive and valuable role in terms of lessons learned and how you grow/evolve as a human being.

(5) Don’t (over) invest based on app-level interactions.

This means not personalizing any rejections/ghosting OR romanticizing (putting anyone on a pedestal) before you’ve really gotten to know them – ideally in person!
Remember that everyone on the apps is working with the barest amount of personal information and, as such, those decisions have basically nothing to do with your value as a whole and complete person (…they can’t!)
It’s the equivalent of choosing not to read to book because we don’t like the look of the cover or the blurbs on the back – are we really equipped to comment on how good or bad the story is if we didn’t take the time to read it? (Nope… and neither is anyone else).

(6) Check in with yourself about what you need/how it’s going – and set boundaries accordingly!

You can do this by regularly asking yourself questions such as: How are the apps working for me (what are they doing for my thoughts and moods)? Do I feel better or worse after engaging? Am I having fun/growing/connecting with values/achieving process goals? Do I need to set limits around when or how often I check notifications (so it doesn’t become all-consuming)? Do I need a break from this for a while?

(7) Have fun!

For those who feel wary of online dating this may seem over-simplistic or trite… but we really mean it! Even if you find parts of the process uncomfortable or “cringey”, try to look for those opportunities to infuse some levity and joy. Plan fun dates to places that interest you! Involve (safe & trusted) friends and family in the process of setting up your profile or “seeing what’s out there”.
This also links back to item #3 (about process vs goals). If you’re engaging with the apps thinking they’re a necessary evil that you’re simply enduring in order to achieve a desired outcome, but you’re not finding any value or fun in the process of working towards the destination, then you’ve set yourself up for a lot of potential suffering with no guarantee or promise of being “rewarded” at the end. Grim, right?
This is not to negate or minimize the objectively uncomfortable aspects that can accompany online dating (especially for introverted personalities!) but this is where connecting with values and growth-based goals (e.g. meeting new people, pushing outside your comfort zone, strengthening social skills, being “brave”/facing fears) and keeping an open, experimental mindset can be really helpful for finding those aspects of joy along the way.

So where do we land with all this? To app or not to app?

As with almost anything else in life (and therapy!) we’re going to tell you:

(1) It’s not a one-size fits all! Your mileage may vary, with respect to impact and usefulness.

(2) Context, intention and self-awareness are going to be your best predictors of how this all works for you! Are your expectations and beliefs realistic and “working” for you, not against you? Are you paying attention to and managing your emotional resources/bandwidth? Are you staying in touch with personal values and goals, and finding opportunities in the process and not just the destination?

(3) Be gentle with yourself & the process as you go. Expect ups, downs and everything in between. You may strike gold your first time out, but it’s more likely that it will take time and patience. And remember: we’re not for everybody, and everybody is not for us – if they were, it wouldn’t feel special when we find those people that we want to invest in long-term or “lifetime” relationships with.