A Season, A Reason, or a Lifetime?
Have you ever heard the saying “people come into your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime”?
This fun little quote originated as part of a poem by Brian A. Chalker, nodding to the fact that we have different types of relationships throughout life. The poem explains how the relationships we have can be described using one of these three categories: a season, a reason, or a lifetime.
So, what does each category mean?
A REASON:
Relationships that fit into the “reason” category tend to relate to those people who enter your life for a purpose or “lesson”. Often times, these relationships are brief. Once the “reason” is fulfilled, the relationship is likely to end. Some examples might include anything from the temporary boss, who helped you learn how to set better work/life boundaries, to the co-worker who helped you discover a new skill (being assertive, let’s say). It could be the classmate who brought out your strengths, or helped you uncover new ones. Or perhaps the fleeting romantic relationship that showed you the depths of your love, or how to spot red flags early on to prevent a world of heartache.
A SEASON:
Relationships that fit into this category signify relationships that we hold and cherish through a particular season of life. These people tend to grow with us through a season, and once we’ve left that season of life, the relationship ends. Here we may think about our “high school friends”, or a “good work friend” from a certain job, or stage of life friends (“mom” friends, retirement friends, friends from your 30’s). There are many seasons of life, and ‘seasons friends’ are very important when you’re in the thick of the shared life experience.
A LIFETIME:
The reality is, we only have a handful of lifetime relationships. These are the people who remain with us through all the seasons, through all the growth and change, through any twist or turn in life. These people teach us a lot about ourselves, and guide us in how we show up for all our relationships in life.
So, do we like the spirit of this quote?
The short answer: We really like it (mostly).
We think this quote does a fun and playful job of reminding us that …
(1) Relationships end. It allows us to stay grounded in the reality that relationships truly can (and do) run their course. That is a normal and natural part of many of the relationships we will have in life.
(2) Relationships teach us things. There may be some potential gift or opportunity that exists from the relationships we enter. From deep, mutual respect and love – to learning something about ourselves – to understanding how to recognize red flags and walk away from relationships that are no longer serving us. There are many good lessons to be had. And relationships are beautiful teachers.
(3) Relationships are vital to our wellbeing. Humans are social creatures. While relationships ebb and flow throughout our lifetime (and from relationship to relationship), they remind us that we need those connections to the people around us. They all serve a purpose or role in our life.
An interesting add on?
Over the years folks have contributed more to the interpretation of this quote. One interpretation that caught our attention is the notion that you can’t put someone in a category they don’t belong in.
So, that work friend who fell out of your life in your 30’s when you changed jobs and started a family? They were supposed to be a season friend – they fulfilled their duties (20’s coworker friend) – and the relationship has naturally run its course. There’s something peaceful about this idea.
We think it gives a verbiage and understanding to relationships, especially those that have ended. Understanding where people fit (or even just giving ourselves a way to conceptualize the relationship differently) can be cathartic in itself.
So, we really do like it. But there’s just one thing…
Don’t take it too seriously.
Don’t get too caught up in categorizing your relationships. This is all in good fun. It’s a gentle way to bring light to the natural ebb and flow of people we encounter across our lifetime, and the various roles many of these relationships/people will take. It puts language to what was once indescribable (the different types of relationships), and gives peace to hard endings, when we view them as having served their purpose or role in our lives.
