All About Perfectionism  

Have you ever been preparing for a job interview, looking for answers to some of those most dreaded questions (like “what is your greatest weakness?”) and thought to yourself, ‘I’ll say I’m a bit of a perfectionist’? This is one of the most common interview responses, mostly because people think it’s a way to flip the script and imply: “Look! Even my weaknesses are hidden strengths – I just care too much/try too hard/am too good at what I do – pick me!”

What’s tricky about this approach is that it drafts on some of the myths and misconceptions about perfectionism (namely that it’s a good or healthy way to be), and doesn’t capture what’s actually problematic or difficult about this type of mindset. A truly self-aware perfectionist might answer the “greatest weakness” question in a similar way, but go on to explain that it sometimes prevents them from managing their time appropriately (if they have a tendency to get hyper-focused on making one task perfect before moving on to the next) or delegating tasks (ceding control) to others.

Are You a Perfectionist? 

So, what is perfectionism really and how do you know if it’s something you struggle with? Rather than being it’s own diagnosable disorder, perfectionism tends to go hand-in-hand with several other mental health conditions (most commonly depression, anxiety, OCD and eating disorders) but perfectionistic personality traits can certainly be present in those without these conditions as well.

The Frost Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale is one of many self-report questionnaires you can check out that will give you a sense of whether this may be an issue for you, but you could also ask yourself/reflect on the following:

• Do you set unreasonable or unrealistic standards/goals for yourself, or others?
• Do you have strict rules or “musts” about what you/others “should” do?
• Do you experience self-criticism or shame when you fall short of an expected goal?
• Do you struggle with “all-or-nothing” mindset (e.g. “if it’s not perfect, then it’s a failure”) or have difficulty acknowledging more gray and nuanced perspectives?
• Do you find it difficult to give up control to others, or change an established plan at the last minute?
• Do you spend an excessive amount of time on certain tasks, tweaking and checking them until they are “just right”?
• Do you struggle with procrastination or putting off tasks until you are “ready”, but the criteria (or “goal-post”) for that always seems to change? (e.g. “I can’t start writing my novel until I’ve read all the books about writing/found an agent/etc.”)?

Types of Perfectionism 

It is not uncommon for perfectionism to show up in more specific ways or life domains, as opposed to something that is present all the time in every facet of your day (though, some people do experience it more globally). Simply put, you may expect perfection in some ways, and not others.

In Elliot D. Cohen’s book Making Peace with Imperfection, he outlines 10 commonly accepted “types” of perfectionism, based on who those standards apply to (yourself, others, or the world around you).  

So What Do We Do About It? 

If you are coming to therapy to address perfectionistic tendencies this may involve a wide variety of strategies and techniques, depending on the type of therapy you are doing. That said, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is considered a “frontline” treatment and will likely involve some combination of the following:

• “Restructuring” unhelpful thoughts, beliefs and standards – usually this involves taking the all-or-nothing/rigid “should” statements and infusing them with more nuance, flexibility and realism (e.g. “I do not need to constantly overperform, to be accepted”)
• Behavioral experiments to test “if/then” conclusions (e.g. “if I stand up for myself/don’t resort to “people-pleasing” in this setting, will I really lose respect or rapport with that person?”)
• Exposure to imperfection/uncertainty and learning to tolerate associated distress or discomfort (e.g. purposefully doing “less” than your expected standard and processing/working through any difficult emotions that arise as a result)
• Fostering self-compassion & radical acceptance of fundamental truths (e.g. humans are not/cannot be perfect all the time, the world is an uncontrollable/uncertain place, etc.)

Strive for Excellence, Not Perfection

One of the most common issues we encounter, when working towards recovery with perfectionistic clients, is the idea that part of treatment involves “lowering one’s standards” or “settling for less” which can be a difficult notion for anyone (let alone a Type-A perfectionistic personality) to wrap their heads around. To them, we would say that perspective is everything – and we may use a continuum (or visual spectrum) like the one below to illustrate this point.

Technically, we are encouraging a move to the left or a “lowering” of the perfectionistic standard (currently set at 100%) but that does not mean that you now have “low standards” for yourself or others. Striving for excellence in what you do, and having generally high standards for how you treat/interact with others are wonderful things to strive for. You may even glimpse perfection or experience “being the best” from time to time, but this cannot be the permanent expectation or standard because (a) it’s simply not possible/sustainable long-term, and (b) it only invites disappointment and self-criticism when there is “nowhere to go but down”. There needs to be a built-in “buffer” that allows and accounts for things like natural human frailty and life uncertainty.