BOOK RECOMMENDATION: Attached 

Title: ATTACHED. The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love

Authors: Amir Levine, M.D., & Rachel S. F. Heller, M. A.

Year: 2010

Tags: Adults, Self-Help, Love & Relationships, Intimacy

What’s It About?

This fantastic book is all about love and relationships through the lens of the highly researched field of Attachment Theory (work that was pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950’s).

With a focus on adult attachment styles, the authors (Levine & Heller) walk readers through an introduction to attachment theory, identifying the three main attachment styles (Secure, Anxious and Avoidant). They offer readers the chance to both identify their own attachment style, and their partners (or prospective partners). Attached (2010), is riddled with not only rich and valuable information about the what of attachment (what it is? what is my style?), it also offers many tips and tricks for how to thrive in your relationships today.

  Highlights

Chapter 12: Working Things Out: Five Secure Principles for Dealing with Conflict

“Attachment researchers have learned that conflicts can serve as an opportunity for couples to get closer and deepen their bond.”

This is such a life-altering shift in perspective. Far too often we hear how bad conflict is, how we ought not fight with loved ones, that if a relationship is truly “good”, the partners would hardly fight. This book does a fabulous job at supporting a healthy reframe of this idea, reminding us that yes, all couples do fight – and that conflict is a healthy (and important!) part of relationships. Lean into conflict, and use resources like this one to ensure that your inevitable conflict with the ones you love is productive, respectful and healthy.

Rating:

FOOTNOTE CITATION: Levine, A., & Heller, R. S. F. (2010). Attached: The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find – and keep – love. Tarcher Perigee – Penguin Random House LLC.